#reverb14 Day 12 – Dear me…

This is a letter to myself at 30, two years from now.

Dear Brittany,
I hope this letter finds you at a happy and successful time in your life. This time two years ago, you couldn’t imagine your life finally coming together like this. Several years ago, you Digby think that you would make it to 30. Life was so different then. But you got some help and found your smile again. You may be in love (hopefully) and you may – *gasp*- be ready to be a mother. You might even be single and enjoying getting to know new people, and spending more time traveling. Regardless of your situation, you’ve finally found your happy place. You no longer wish to have someone else’s life, and you’ve gotten over past disappointments.

You realize that you can do anything that you can put your mind to, and you’ve started work on some of those ideas cooking up in your mind. You’ve decided to live the life that you want, not the one that people want for you. By now you’re in the best shape of your life and learned to accept the things about yourself that you’re not always comfortable with. You know that no one is perfect, but it doesn’t make them any less of a person. You’ve finally stopped surviving, and started living.

You’re still kicking ass at work, whether you’re still in compliance, or if you’ve moved on to another role. You’ve finally finished school and fulfilled your grandfather and stepfathers dying wishes. Took you a little longer than expected, but you finished. I’m sure you feel like you’ve finally finished something that you started.

Hopefully you’ve found someone who appreciates your corny sense of humor, your positive attitude, and your need to tell them how much you love them several times a day. Maybe it’s someone you’ve known for years, or maybe he’s totally new to you. Hopefully they appreciate how you go so hard for the people you love, and that you will do anything to make sure they’re taken care of. It takes you a while to warm up to people, but when you love, you love hard. No matter what you go through, you never stop looking for the best in people. I’m also sure he’ll be happy to clean all of the bathrooms for you ☺. But if not, you have plenty of time for that.

Your 30s are gonna be so dope. The past 10 years was simply practice for the best times of your life. But please don’t turn into one of those people who have to constantly remind younger women of how they won’t get it until they’re over 30. That was super annoying. Lol.

Xoxo –  28 year old Brittany.

#reverb14 Day 8 – connect

My life was busier than ever this year. Having friends who are getting married and having kids, and since I have stepped up the responsibilities at the job, I’ve gone weeks without spending time with my friends. I saw a lot of death throughout 2014, and it made me want to be sure to connect with folks when I can, even if it means I’ll miss a couple hours of sleep, or I have to leave work on time. I’ve started scheduling texts to go out to them at random times, to let them know I’m thinking about them. And I make it a point to do lunch or dinner with my best friend at least once a month. Life is so short, and it’s important to take time out to relax and laugh and cry with your girls (or guys.) Especially with all of the changes going on in the country and in the world, those times where you can just kick it, and take your mind off of things. You will drive yourself crazy if you don’t take time to connect with the people you love.

#reverb14 Day 3 – I meant to…

I’m looking at my list of goals for 2014 and while I accomplished a few of them, the main ones that I didn’t complete were to go back to school, and become open to falling in love again.

The school thing was honestly pure laziness, which isn’t my style at all. I didn’t pay them off, so I’m still unable to enroll. I think subconsciously, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to handle it and my job. When I was in school last, I worked nights so my days were free to attend class. Now I’m at work from 8am to at least 5pm, and I’m afraid to ask for the time to attend a class during the day. But since they think my education is important, maybe they will give me the time.

As far as the live thing goes, I’ve allowed myself to become interested in a few people but I’ve been unable to totally let go and let someone care about me. The fact that I have an interest in someone that I can’t pursue right now may also play a part in this. Hopefully in 2015 I can let it go and experience love again. I’ll even accept a strong like. I just want to live life fully good year, and hopefully I won’t even have an answer for this post next year.

#reverb14 – Day 1

Time to dust this off and talk about 2014. The topic is certainty. What can I say right now with certainty.

I can say with certainty, that I am going into 2015 more focused than ever. 2014 was a transitional year. I learned a lot. I think I finally found my voice. I’m still dealing with a couple of toxic relationships, but I’m no longer in denial about them. I can be real with myself and admit that they’re toxic. I’m certain that in 2015 I’ll be rid of them.

I can also say with certainty, that I will be my own biggest advocate in 2015. I’ve learned to defend myself and be clear about what I need. To a point. I plan on mastering this task, but I need to stop being concerned with what other people think.
Here’s to another successful year in the books!

#reverb13 Day 26

What did I covet this year? Well there is one thing that I cannot mention here lol. Other than that, I found myself somewhat envious of people in happy relationships. Not that I am looking for that now, but I remember when I was in love, and happy. I almost hate to say it, but I kind of miss those days. I miss building with someone and having that connection. But I am adult enough to realize that my issues and hesitation is the reason why I’m single today. But I’m perfectly ok with that.

#reverb13 – All #FAIL Everything

I have to be honest. I am in an unhealthy “relationship” with someone who isn’t right for me at all. I have a lot of love for this man. He’s been there for me when a lot of people haven’t. and he’s good to me. But it’s all bad. I won’t go into details, but just know that it’s just not healthy. I have said throughout 2013 that I would eventually leave him alone. But here it is, December 11th, and I just had a late dinner with him Saturday night. I think this counts as a fail. 

I’m not entirely sure about why I haven’t left him, it’s not loneliness because another man could fill his spot easily. But I’m just drawn to him. He’s everything I want, but in a terrible package. I’m going to do better in 2014, but I can’t make any promises. 

#reverb13 – Surprise, surprise!

This year I can honestly say I was most surprised by myself. I’ve come so far in the past few years, and things are happening to me that I couldn’t even imagine 2-3 years ago. My faith has been tested in so many ways, and I’ve held on strong. I see myself becoming the assertive, focused, driven, woman that I knew I could be. No more putting myself down, or not taking chances just because I’m afraid. I’m finally coming into my own and it’s great. It’s been a combination of faith, good friends/family, and lack of fucks to give that got me to this point. Life is far too short, despite what people try to tell you. Who wants to be THAT person who is on their deathbed saying “I wish I had done more. I wish I had taken more chances?”

Not me.

But if this is what my 30s will be like, I’m here for it!